bubbler shot glass with scarf

Bubbler Tuesday.  Ah, say it with me.  Bubbler. Tuesday.  What, you say, is Bubbler Tuesday?  Bubbler Tuesday is a Tuesday; nonethesame as any other Tuesday save for it has a flared kick-ass ending to it.  Most start as any other day really.  You wake up, yawn, and then realize today is BUBBLER TUESDAY!  Then back to reality, you still have the long day ahead of you before you can even attempt to start the festivites.  Now, to some, this may thwart any possibility that the day could be good because you have to wait until after work hours to enjoy the celebration that will unleash. To others, like myself, it’s the fuel that drives me to make Tuesday great.  The illusion that nothing today will eff with me.  A reason to look at the grandieur of what tomorrow will lack in comparison to tonight. For today, will be another Bubbler Tuesday! But WHAT is it?  Simply put, it’s a celebration of me.  Not ME as in me, but to whomever is celebrating.  That ‘me’. 

It’s a get together of friends, co-workers, children, and families alike.  We congregate as if going on a shopping trip to a candy store.  The enthusiasm mounts all day until it’s time to go!  Count downs have even been witnessed. You show up at the location, which changes weekly.  Sometimes there is pizza to eat, sometimes a potluck. Other times, perhaps only snacks.  It just depends.  Greetings ensue.  Handshakes flurry, hugs give way to the break off into segmented clicks of happiness.  The women tend to assist the children on the paths of righteous clothes shedding at speeds that would challenge any racer of any kind, as they make ready the choas that will begin.  They make sure the places are ready for the blitz of traffic that will become about as normal as ordering off the dollar menu at your favorite fast food joint.  The kids, after their warmups, are set to play.  They begin a migration to happytown.  They move about the party almost unknown to most partygoers.  Except the occassional scream of ‘That’s mine!’, or just the high pitched yalp of kids in utter excitement, to have so many other kids to play with, they too enjoy this day as much as the adults.  This gives way to sounds that mimic what you would hear at a circus, or carnival. Mostly pleasant.  The men.  Well the men have all the advantages here.  We start with the traditional - ‘beer?’ question that leads to someone grabbing multiple beers to pass out to the eager mouths awaiting.  This jesture, although seemingly simple, is the opening act of the Tuesday bubbler olympiad ceremony.  With this ‘crack’ of beer, the night has officially begun.  This is often accompanied by talk of men.  Any given range of topics from work (most definitely work), cars, computers, IT - in general, P90X, the economy, politics, and sports.  Although there is no order or limit to what is discussed, it is certain to be rated G when ears of young-in’s are around, and respectful to all.  Oh, but do not dispair.   For when ears are deaf to the men, it’s a notch or two below rated X. 

The second act is usually somewhat slow to begin.  It must be this way for a few reasons.  First, if there is food, we must help the kids eat, and start a base for ourselves, all while enjoying the first act.  Second, once this leg of the race has begun, anything can happen.   And finally, there is a natural balance, a dance if you will, of what can and will take place.  This is actually where the name comes from.  It starts like so.  Someone will say, either in regular conversation or lacking all conversation etiquitte - shots?  And like gazelles to a water hole, the men gather.  And gather quickly they do.  The soda is poured without regard to cleanliness in the bottom of the ‘bubbler’ shot glass.  This is followed by a ritual so pure, so elegant, so simple you almost have to see it to believe it.  The alcohol is layered upon the soda.  The liquids will stay separated until consumed. The recommended way to drink a bubbler is as follows: after filling the glass, tilt your head back and let the juices flow.  As the liquids come out of the glass, they will combine and make the shot much smoother. The last thing you taste is the chaser, so make it a good one!  Coke is the choice of most here.  Don’t be afraid of taking the whole thing down at once. It may look intimidating at first, but you’ll conquer your fear…and soon, you’ll bubble with the best of ‘em.  Chill the alcohol in the freezer - this allows for an extra smooth shot!  This is an easily overlooked step.  Do this, obey this, enjoy this! If you want a potent shot, make a reverse bubbler. I recommend only doing this on special occasions (birthdays, superbowls, odd numbered days, etc). Reverse the process: pour the alcohol in the bottom and the chaser on top = a double shot!  This can be extremely sneaky when it hits you.  Be warned! The trick here is to never allow the bubbler to be by itself.  Trust me, drinking alone, although sounds way cool, is somewhat of a cliche in terms of bubbler.  It must never be drank alone.  Capiche?

Depending on when you start phase two pretty much determines when phase three is entered.  Is it a one pint night?  2?  That all depends on many, many factors. Some days is slow and steady.  Maybe a shot every 30 minutes.  Some days it’s a shot every 10 minutes.  Where will you be in the spectrum of bubbler?  Experiement.  Try it on a Wednesday.  We’ve had to substitute different days before, but the Gods have chosen Tuesday and it’s our will to do it for them. 

Bubbler ends usually early.  10 or 1o:30pm.  The kids get packed up, the women make sure we don’t forget shoes, and usually drive the men home!  And then it’s back to the work week.  Oh what a night it is.  Try it out and let me know how it goes!  Start your own Bubbler Tuesday! 

You need shot glasses?!  No problem.  You can buy expensive ones from Whiskey companies, or get some from here.  I have both kinds; they both work fine.

Until anon, matthew Z

will the real elmo please stand up

fatgate 2010

I’ll admit, when I first heard this story I was sucked in and like, “WTF?”.  But then I thought.  Staged. At first glance, there wouldn’t seem to be a lot of obvious upsides to Kevin Smith’s getting ejected from a Southwest Airlines flight for being too overweight. Even if the director ranks very high among Twitter’s hottest topics currently, significantly increasing the number of media mentions for his new action-comedy, “Cop Out,” which hits theaters on Feb. 26.

However, while the incident — and Smith’s ensuing Tweetathon about the ordeal, dubbed “Fatgate” —  continues to generate headlines worldwide, it isn’t the first time the “Mallrats” and “Clerks” writer-director has suffered a shameful, weight-related embarrassment just days before theatrically releasing a new movie.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Remember that in 2008, just before the roll-out of his poor-performing, sorry attempt of a romantic comedy “Zach and Miri Make a Porno,” Smith suffered a similar disgrace: He admitted that his self-described “morbid obesity” had been responsible for the destruction of a household appliance.  And then, as now, he milked that episode for all it was worth on his blog, in tweets, and in interviews.

He told The Times, “I broke a toilet.  That’s how heavy I am. I can’t take all the credit. That was an old toilet and a very water-logged wall. But still, there’s no excuses, dude. I cannot cognitively reframe it and be like, ‘It wasn’t me. It was the toilet.’ It was definitely me! And that’s a wake-up call.”

Asked why he would volunteer such a potentially embarrassing story about himself, Smith demurred. “It’s a good story,” he said. “It’s tough not to tell even though I’m the fat clown at the center of it. Putting it out there is saying, ‘I get it. I understand.’ ” To me this is a sad way to gain publicity.  If you have to do this much to get attention to a movie, is it really worth seeing it?

Personally I think it’s his best work in years, comparable even to “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back”.

I’m sure Southwest’s bottom line won’t be too impacted, seeing as the goverment reported Southwest Airlines had the least amount of complaints in 2009.  So everyone wins.  Southwest is in the headlines and will most likely see a bump in sales, and Smith might have actually persuaded 37 other people to go see his upcoming movie.  Well done guys, well done.

Until anon, matthew Z